dec 17th ............. the day he said he i should accept if he marries another gal

after he came back form his relatives weeding i went to his house on Sunday evening. But he was not there. I dropped most of the things which he gave me and came back. I did not know where is the blue tops he presented me was. Then again yesterday 17th DEC i wen to his house in the morning. He was not there . I waited nearly for 1 and half hour at his door ringing the bell. Tears filled my eyes thinking what i have become.

He doesn't care for me anymore. He didn't even pick my call. Later on he shouted at me telling who the hell asked me to come to his place. Why can't he See i miss him deeply. Ever thing in my life is him. But he said i was a bad choice for hi. He asked me one thing " since i was excited the previous night, so i choice to come and fuck him in the morning". After hearing that was thinking is that the value he has kept for me.

I do not know where he was the previous night. He might gone for the conference or he would have gone out with bhavana. But whatever it is he didn't wanna tell me.

Seriously why should i live in this world i do not understand. How come my judgment about a person went so wrong. When did he become so much selfish. He turned into something where he doesn't even care for me anymore.

He absolutely do not care for me anymore. He speaks always rude. No matter when i say sorry, when i accept all the mistakes on my head. He doesn't care. He shouts at me. He has changed to a person whom i have no clue of.

It is so weird still my heart yearns for him. Wishing why can't he come back. It would have been great if what ever he was going through was for me but e directly said it is for him and he asked me i shouldn't create any scene if i see him Worth another girl. So it is clear he has decided to go with someone else. If that is the case why did he stay with me for so long.

What made me to beleive him so blindly. How this love has made me a FOOL.

Lier

Lier. A complete sophisticated lier. All these years each and evrything was done with profi or loss. NOthing was done with love. Everything was a lie for me to know after all these years not to give second chance for anyone in life. When a person has something wrong it means he will never can come out of it no matter how much you stand by his side to pull him out.

This time to speak to that assam lady how dare he puts the blame on me saying i made him to speak. He wanted her so he went. Men are just behind the one and only thing for a women. There is no one who is going to stand by me. I have made a mistake , not a blunder because whatever i did i did it ith good intension and love. But i gave to a person who cares only about himself and nothing else in this world. But when you speak to him he will speak like an angle.

How foolish i was to think he knows what it feels like to be used. He was a damn stupid thing to feel or come to conclusion that since sinchita left himand loved her like crazy he knows the value of love. No he felt the pain just because it was HIS PIAN. But he has all the rights to give it to oters because he is not the person who is undergoing this pain.

A very bad person. Really a very bad person. Only when the things come to an end we actually see the reality of a person. You know the funny thing he says i do care for you but not in the way you want me to. Bastard. How dare he, do i look like a bitch to him. Or my family is such a family. He knows the value of culture? Wwait a sec i forgot he used to say these things are not at all a thing.

Let it be any country until and unless you are a cheap person doing all the things are not a big deal. But when you love a person and dothings it matters a lot.

Buthe is not at all a fool. A game well played by him in which my life and my feelings are the thngs which got screwed up :)

I hate myself for the fact that even after all this the feelings which i have for him is not gogin away. Still i wish to go back to the times  when we were happy. Hug me. Why the fucking hell do i wish why can't he come back to me to love me. wHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

If you love someone true this is what happns . So then ravi will also be feeling the same thing about sinchita rit?


 

New probelms at home

Appa is having a lot of problem at office. That mohan kumar has once again started sending mail regarding appa and due to that tension is growing in office. Along with that for MODA a guy has come from central government and asking for bribe from appa. He is asking him 50K. Appa is in so much tension and I have stopped speaking ti him completely.

 

Shyam was asking when I am going to my GRE. The horrible part is I have not even started studying wherein I have to give my exam next month. Today is 12^th. I have to  give my exam by 18 jan. On Aravind’s birthday. He has left me. Every second I go anywhere all I can this is him. My head was hurting a lot the last time I went home. It was as if a sharp pain on back of my head. I kept on rubbing that portion of head after many minutes the pain started reducing but did not go away.

 

He messaged me on Saturday saying he is leaving for vizag. It was not because he wanted me to know. That I may get worried. It was purely because he didn’t want me to come and stand in front of his house. For his safety. I am saying this because the first day when I came to Bangalore from Hyderabad we both went to coffee shop. Then his bro or sis someone called him. He was speaking about something pedanana. I understood he will be going home soon. But I refused to ask him regarding that and neither did he say anything regarding the same.

 

COMPLETELY ALONE . Can’t speak to appa because he is in a very critical thing. I just tell him the same thing. Come out of this problem because I can create a bigger one for you J And this guy doesn’t

T even care. All he cares is for him to have more money and go to vizag and be with family. Even if I die he won’t care. Anyways he has proved it many times. So it is not like I am saying without proof.

 

But what the hell. I really do not have any choice right J I have to undergo this . Hope I get a bigger problem than this. I asked for this problem. He is happy somewhere I am ok with me going through the prob. But it is so stupid to go through the things without anyone by your side and even you can’t tell it to anyone. The funny thing is when he had a similar problem where he didn’t find anyone to tell he ran behind that assam lady. Can I also do similar thing? Shall I go behind that kerela guy?

 

 

Team change and treated unimportant even by him!

Starting Monday i have to work with not one but two wicket people. One is my TL and the other is the girl whom i dispite from the start of my carrier. She is the same person  whom is very selfish enough and who doesn't care what will happen to the rest of the them. Even if the person who is sitting next to her is dying she won't give water just because that can be useful for her in the future.

I always feared to work  with such people. Both her and my TL are of same character. Both are very smart, selfish, want to show off. Some times they make to to think whether i know anything. The thing i feared for happened. Moreover in a way i am happy that it happened because it will help me a lot to improve my ability to come up.

After all lots if other critical things and difficult situations are waiting on the line. Yesterday night when i told this dialogue to my mother she was like what difficulties you will face. I told her i was just kidding to calm myself down.

But the fact is that YES i have many more difficulties to be faced. Ravi is so unpredictable. He doesn't treat me the way other girls are treated. It hurts me a lot but he never understands. When i ask him to spend the time with me he is like "ain't i already spending enough time with you already?. The time he gives me call is on the way to office,or, while coming from office,or, going to sujith's house.

If not all of these just before he can sleep he will give  a call . This rarely happens. Because when he is tired he just sleeps. Totally forgetting that i am there. I have to give him call and tell him that he isn't there and he hasn't called me.

Simple doubt. If you tired and have a bit of energy left then why do you spend it with your friends? Is it because he wants to refresh? Then why doesn't feel good to with me. So should i consider his friends refresh his mind more than what i can do.

The thing what he had for me is totally lost. It is hurting me. The disappointment never leaves my mind. I feel like saying yes to my father regarding my marriage so that i will have a guy in my life who is not ashamed of me . So that he can introduce me to his friends.Ravi feels insecure to speak about me to when his Friends are around. What the hell is that? I am a THIRD RATED PERSON?

Just thinking about it makes me feel very bad. But he will never understand. Just like it is my fate that i am put in such a team it is my fate that i am in a crazy love with RAVI.

Death is the most peace full thing. With no rebirth.

He will never fight for me.